I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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