Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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