Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
