Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
