...so i touched it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
