Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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