you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
