I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
