Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
