It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize