I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
