Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
