I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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