I just saw a hot homeless man
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
