White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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