I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
