I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
