That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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