and she was petting her beer can
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
