You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
