I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
