oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
