We won't sleep together?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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