The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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