HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
