you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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