i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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