wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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