My Higher Power is John Stamos
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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