1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
