He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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