Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
