I want to stick my p in your. b.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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