Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
