I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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