I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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