i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
