Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
