just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize