Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
