I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize