She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
