About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
