You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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