This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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