She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
