Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
