Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
