Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
