i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
