alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize