That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
