Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
