woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
