Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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