Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
