New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
