I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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