I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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