Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
