dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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