what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
