it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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