ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
