you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
