Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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