Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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