Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
