Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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