Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
