she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
