Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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