you would pick up someone in the library
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
