The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
